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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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xpoizonxkizzx

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xpoizonxkizzx
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 397
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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xpoizonxkizzx's favorite FMLs

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

#6501685 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (29613) - you deserved it (3237)

On 11/28/2009 at 9:14pm - kids - by Shannon (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

#6181842 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (25551) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/06/2009 at 12:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

#6180431 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (22776) - you deserved it (6062)

On 11/06/2009 at 9:31am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (18420) - you deserved it (3417)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

#6165899 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (26982) - you deserved it (1827)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:26am - misc - by aqua88 (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#6137228 (58)

I agree, your life sucks (16280) - you deserved it (1371)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by buckid310 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

#6078276 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (15388) - you deserved it (2666)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by dtmfa (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

#6065888 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (1090)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

#4936228 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (3265)

On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754 (259)

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (6237)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

#4299619 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (56078)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

#3215431 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (59321) - you deserved it (4308)

On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

#2328337 (246)

I agree, your life sucks (5078) - you deserved it (56334)

On 05/26/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Ash (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up in the night and was really thirsty so I took a drink of water that had been sitting next to my bed for a few hours. After taking a huge gulp, I felt something strange in my mouth, ignored it and went back to sleep. When I woke up I saw all the ants that were floating in it. FML

#1110151 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (45639) - you deserved it (9437)

On 04/19/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by Ihatebugs. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (94878) - you deserved it (4118)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)