Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xopher425

Offline (one hour ago) | Search for a member

xopher425

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 April 1975 (39 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 820
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About xopher425 : Some days your life is fucked, some days you deserve it. But most of the time you deserve your fucked up life.

xopher425's page activity

Visits<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 12:42am<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:41am<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 5:29pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 8:19pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:08pm<b>Tim2415</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 11:40pm<b>davidpropert</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 10:35pm<b>poppppojs</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 8:03pm<b>thegreatericmoor</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 1:37am<b>Jurnee1011</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 7:05pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 2:52am<b>Bubule</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 12:37pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 3:36pm<b>kkkkkkkkkka</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 2:13am<b>EdaPanda</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 2:31am<b>vanessuhm</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 11:05pm<b>tacomonkey</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 9:59pm<b>casafudge</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 6:23pm

xopher425's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of xopher425's badges

xopher425's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19888) - you deserved it (39140)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14607) - you deserved it (39184)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (15522)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31300) - you deserved it (3276)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (15462)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26429) - you deserved it (4896)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

#17918241
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19824) - you deserved it (9977)

On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31588) - you deserved it (5183)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85174) - you deserved it (13064)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32808) - you deserved it (3644)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34368) - you deserved it (9557)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29489) - you deserved it (3697)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

#17361677
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43513) - you deserved it (2762)

On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounds a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

#17290370
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24682) - you deserved it (6164)

On 07/28/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by Branski - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33587) - you deserved it (7089)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: