Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xopher425

Offline (38 minutes ago) | Search for a member

xopher425

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 April 1975 (39 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1395
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About xopher425 : Some days your life is fucked, some days you deserve it. But most of the time you deserve your fucked up life.

xopher425's page activity

Visits<b>gis0392</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 1:47am<b>wowwzaa</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 1:21am<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 10:55am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 2:48pm<b>happyjesus</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 2:18am<b>12goldfish69</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 1:21pm<b>an3ph</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 1:04am<b>Mac_Alvy</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:08pm<b>Wormie14</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 2:23pm<b>SandyRae</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 7:04pm<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:22am<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 12:42am<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:41am<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 5:29pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 8:19pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:08pm<b>Tim2415</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 11:40pm<b>davidpropert</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 10:35pm

xopher425's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of xopher425's badges

xopher425's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40514) - you deserved it (6246)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (2375)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20874) - you deserved it (1956)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34654) - you deserved it (4306)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35950) - you deserved it (3659)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

#20163115
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24035) - you deserved it (3380)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19323) - you deserved it (1574)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21144) - you deserved it (2907)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

#20134692
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24085) - you deserved it (5936)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22896) - you deserved it (1500)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16193) - you deserved it (61150)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (2010)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46517) - you deserved it (4056)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14210) - you deserved it (29919)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: