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xokaylaanne's favorite FMLs
by dentedmercedes / 04/20/2013 at 9:43am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML
by sopissed / 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 1:50pm / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love
by Ladieda / 05/28/2012 at 6:15am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
by jaderie / 04/21/2012 at 5:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML
by Quackers / 04/11/2012 at 11:39am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy
by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me… Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I… Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something…
- Today, after months of planning & asking her father permission, I proposed to my girlfriend of five… Today, I got home from a double shift to find my husband in bed with my sister. Also, I found out I… Today, I got very drunk at a party and didn't know how to get home. I spent an hour walking along…