About xo_emily_xo : Hi♥I have great FMLs, but as you can tell, they NEVER (!) get published =(
Thanks for checking out my profile♥
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10615) - you deserved it (35182)
On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43741) - you deserved it (6254)
On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34762) - you deserved it (13065)
On 07/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by BigPurplePresent (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8003) - you deserved it (53047)
On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45831) - you deserved it (11147)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44591) - you deserved it (2510)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56243) - you deserved it (4680)
On 07/26/2009 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by helpfulmom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56243) - you deserved it (4680)
On 07/26/2009 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by helpfulmom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19272) - you deserved it (54053)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41987) - you deserved it (5259)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:37am - intimacy - by PTKFML (woman) - United States
Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62063) - you deserved it (6756)
On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)
Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37275) - you deserved it (5798)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:25am - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32287) - you deserved it (7073)
On 07/24/2009 at 10:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41257) - you deserved it (5253)
On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8201) - you deserved it (63992)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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