xo_emily_xo

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xo_emily_xo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 November 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 36858
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About xo_emily_xo : Hi♥I have great FMLs, but as you can tell, they NEVER (!) get published =(

Thanks for checking out my profile♥

xo_emily_xo's page activity

Visits<b>ZiaBerry</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 8:47am<b>Helldemon</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 12:27pm<b>jill97</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 5:44am<b>Mightyrif</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 8:45am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 12:59pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 7:03pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:21pm<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 9:31pm<b>JackHuason</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 5:24pm<b>Participation</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 6:47am<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 3:33pm<b>NineeCat</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 3:02am<b>choochee02</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 12:50pm<b>dusthar</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 6:45pm<b>decoydualist</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 6:21am<b>moneymuffen</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 10:54am<b>JohnSapp</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:30pm<b>5secondsofvvifi</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:09pm

xo_emily_xo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xo_emily_xo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

by Alice / 08/01/2009 at 4:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

by Glassjaw / 08/01/2009 at 3:23am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

by jcesom / 08/01/2009 at 2:35am / United States (West Virginia) / Kids

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

by passedoutpolly / 07/31/2009 at 10:35pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

by mandy / 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 5:05pm / United States (Maine) / Health

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

by Spadiethestar / 07/31/2009 at 4:36am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Intimacy

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

by yeahthatsme / 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

by BrokenVow / 07/30/2009 at 8:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 5:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

by solomantis / 07/30/2009 at 1:46am / Norway (Oslo) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

by notsexy / 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy