Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xo_emily_xo

Search for a member

xo_emily_xo

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 November 1989 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 34301
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About xo_emily_xo : Hi♥I have great FMLs, but as you can tell, they NEVER (!) get published =(

Thanks for checking out my profile♥

xo_emily_xo's page activity

Visits<b>NotAUser</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 9:15pm<b>tigerisabelle</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:01pm<b>markcallanan_</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 4:09am<b>Damafia</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 12:53pm<b>Schminkyg6136</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:47am<b>domolovesyoshi</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 10:27pm<b>beastiness</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:29pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 5:48pm<b>nick2356</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 12:11am<b>LickitungJr</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 5:31pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 7:38pm<b>MRVOlivia</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 8:32pm<b>that_band_nerd</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 10:37pm<b>149967</b> - the 12/13/2013 at 6:04pm<b>zzzaman</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 11:33am<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 10/28/2013 at 11:16am<b>Sammy342</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 11:16am<b>kjblack</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 12:56am

xo_emily_xo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xo_emily_xo's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, and then he said, "Lets pretend you are someone else." FML

#4590136
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52843) - you deserved it (4917)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by somebodyelse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70164) - you deserved it (10535)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

#4572543
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52908) - you deserved it (7886)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43816) - you deserved it (21016)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

#4511410
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49319) - you deserved it (18228)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by onehundredpercenteffed (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35014) - you deserved it (78742)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67846) - you deserved it (7614)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

#4346574
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73106) - you deserved it (6670)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58696) - you deserved it (2832)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65533) - you deserved it (11957)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

#4326549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20336) - you deserved it (42592)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

#4325647
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54745) - you deserved it (2630)

On 08/06/2009 at 1:28am - love - by gkline09 - United States

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

#4312285
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61805) - you deserved it (5174)

On 08/05/2009 at 4:30pm - misc - by frustrated - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

#4310988
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36983) - you deserved it (5728)

On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: