About xo_emily_xo : Hi♥I have great FMLs, but as you can tell, they NEVER (!) get published =(
Thanks for checking out my profile♥
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47142) - you deserved it (3891)
On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29986) - you deserved it (2776)
On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by m - United States
Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14564) - you deserved it (2398)
On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - intimacy - by Magnus_the_Red (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each others company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14139) - you deserved it (3056)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19009) - you deserved it (5513)
On 09/08/2009 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by TRAMATIZED (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36903) - you deserved it (6674)
On 09/08/2009 at 3:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9058) - you deserved it (38202)
On 09/08/2009 at 10:04am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7128) - you deserved it (24304)
On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49782) - you deserved it (9254)
On 08/25/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by 2yearsofHotSexThenThis (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11323) - you deserved it (45719)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31893) - you deserved it (1796)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27605) - you deserved it (4356)
On 08/24/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by isoheartcaitlin (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8448) - you deserved it (41227)
On 08/24/2009 at 7:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35419) - you deserved it (6118)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12020) - you deserved it (41510)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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