Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xo_emily_xo

Search for a member

xo_emily_xo
  • Town/Country : Upper East Side Manhattan, New York, U.S.A.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 November 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 33454
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About xo_emily_xo : Hi♥I have great FMLs, but as you can tell, they NEVER (!) get published =(

Thanks for checking out my profile♥

xo_emily_xo's last visitors

LickitungJrshanekicksassMRVOliviathat_band_nerdgraceinsheepweareggfactoryKayla_BlowPop

xo_emily_xo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xo_emily_xo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML

#5515193
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45069) - you deserved it (4451)

On 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by screwwyou (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63960) - you deserved it (3214)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18262) - you deserved it (5272)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

#5222877
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19848) - you deserved it (4045)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sunlightchild_14 (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21989) - you deserved it (3552)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

#5201463
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37808) - you deserved it (2075)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#5198874
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38608) - you deserved it (4654)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

#5193582
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42384) - you deserved it (3517)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by Thistle (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

#5192617
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34049) - you deserved it (1712)

On 09/11/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33812) - you deserved it (6104)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

#5189788
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38265) - you deserved it (6385)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

#5189179
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26022) - you deserved it (17284)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44734) - you deserved it (2307)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30893) - you deserved it (7084)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

#5163523
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13238) - you deserved it (33006)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:25am - intimacy - by wallflower (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: