Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xo0Hannah0ox

Search for a member

xo0Hannah0ox

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3356
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

xo0Hannah0ox's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

xo0Hannah0ox's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

#15410065
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32644) - you deserved it (3679)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:02am - love - by lily389 -

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

#14719810
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40632) - you deserved it (3299)

On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend to stop inviting his mother on our dates. FML

#14710566
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37083) - you deserved it (4730)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:16pm - love - by lovehim (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

#6553131
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44441) - you deserved it (7539)

On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24016) - you deserved it (5407)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35369) - you deserved it (5276)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

#6494130
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59666) - you deserved it (6380)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31657) - you deserved it (14950)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70038) - you deserved it (11906)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

#6436745
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38214) - you deserved it (3003)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by bmonehh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched Paranormal Activity which is known to be the scariest film ever. After the film, I went to brush my teeth and out of the corner of my eye I saw the bathroom door closing by itself. I jumped out of my skin and stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush. It was just my dog. FML

#6436100
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11753) - you deserved it (30375)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:45pm - animals - by J (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

#6435507
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11851) - you deserved it (48200)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

#6434122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (10246)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6917) - you deserved it (66840)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

#6270063
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7501) - you deserved it (44420)

On 11/12/2009 at 6:17am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: