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xmaan667

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xmaan667

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  • Number of visits : 687
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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xmaan667's page activity

Visits<b>AnalDestiny</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 12:11pm<b>thedevilspawn</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 11:19pm<b>ajeppsen</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 10:21pm<b>igive</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 8:06pm<b>T_Young96</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 5:56pm<b>drunkensteg</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 2:42pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:00pm<b>AwkwardBug</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 12:01am

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xmaan667's favorite FMLs

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26712) - you deserved it (4701)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom paid me a surprise visit me at my university dorm. She ended up rifling through my stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of my wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML

#21338507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30767) - you deserved it (4422)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (4953)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25956) - you deserved it (3119)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

#21334630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28257) - you deserved it (2072)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm - work - by sadlrana121 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

#21332664
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (5109)

On 01/07/2015 at 12:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26681) - you deserved it (5591)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (3755)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29357) - you deserved it (14720)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31471) - you deserved it (2730)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30998) - you deserved it (2981)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37729) - you deserved it (3609)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

#21312305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32723) - you deserved it (3027)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:18am - work - by ring-a-ding-ding (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30213) - you deserved it (12819)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

#21310077
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31643) - you deserved it (3508)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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