Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 June 2000 (14 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3926
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About xivoricbutterfly : Seid ihr das Essen?
Nein, wir sind der Jäger!

I'm Sarah Hello I like to dance around seductively while eating a onions its my mating call. Dont question my weirdness embrass it.
Favorite TV shows: Attack on titans fo life son.Greys anatomy, Super fun night, Drop dead diva, Legend of Korra, Avatar the last air bender. Orange is the new black
Internet fights never win. The Perks of being a Wallflower best movie ever seriously though like Patrick is the shit his boyfriend was a dick. Im a street cred person fool...Ill beat you up unless you got the ice creams seriously ill love you forever. TEEN WOLF TEEN WOLF TEEN WOLF!
Black butler. Best series of all time. Oh Bassy How terrifying (*.*) the third season of Black butler was awesome..Sao is life
I got a big bick. You read that wrong. The awkward when you read moment after awkward. Chat me up anytime I dont bite unless you want me to ;). My pretend boyfriend is calling bye.

xivoricbutterfly's page activity

Visits<b>Dick_diamond</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 2:40am<b>jojo8902</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 12:31am<b>schindler12345</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 11:04pm<b>nwdt3621</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 12:53am<b>FlendtDK</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 9:57pm<b>MrBenHB</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:01pm<b>cressybryant</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:29am<b>MaximumBeat</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 12:01am<b>sunnyskys</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 11:34pm<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:29pm<b>JohnForge</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 7:45am<b>Marcelb</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:06am<b>pugpuggy</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 3:50am<b>ENAJonas</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 10:56pm<b>BlackIce911</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 10:10am<b>Fierce_Cat_</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:42am<b>HAMY</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:19am<b>p_diddy77</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 6:58am

Fucked!<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 8:29pm<b>JohnForge</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 1:45pm<b>HAMY</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:19pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:38am<b>Toolishing</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 5:58am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 6:01am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 12:04pm<b>dgameseeker</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 4:53pm<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 8:09am<b>angeljade1234</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 12:01am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 1:35pm<b>CandienInEurope</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 5:52pm<b>Lockerch</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 10:47am<b>stephenseiber1</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 9:35am

xivoricbutterfly's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of xivoricbutterfly's badges

xivoricbutterfly's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30509) - you deserved it (5913)

On 04/23/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35502) - you deserved it (2316)

On 04/23/2015 at 8:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27963) - you deserved it (3011)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28729) - you deserved it (2464)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27765) - you deserved it (3646)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)

Today, my husband told me he doesn't see the point in trying anymore, and that he no longer loves me. I was devastated. He stayed on the couch while I went to bed. Ten minutes later, he said, "Do you mind? I'm trying to sleep." and asked me to shut up. FML

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30948) - you deserved it (4871)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28083) - you deserved it (1824)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm - misc - by spitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28211) - you deserved it (2208)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm - kids - by Pandistoteles - United States

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30901) - you deserved it (2407)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:49am - health - by TheGoodSister - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28407) - you deserved it (2359)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2: School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: