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xfireds

Offline (the 09/28/2015 at 2:35am) | Search for a member

xfireds

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 7883
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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xfireds's page activity

Visits<b>Noah98</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:48am<b>artsyphan</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 1:03pm<b>carOLinneeeeeee</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 3:37am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 2:18pm

xfireds's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of xfireds's badges

xfireds's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

#21472718
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (2008)

On 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

#21468418
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25887) - you deserved it (1691)

On 09/14/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by meunluckycharms - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

#21467953
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (2687)

On 09/13/2015 at 11:34am - work - by anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

#21467535
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (4502)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:11am - health - by dammit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

#21467432
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25320) - you deserved it (2678)

On 09/11/2015 at 8:54pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - Australia

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

#21466828
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (1737)

On 09/10/2015 at 8:32am - health - by bwoolf96 -

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

#21463887
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (2548)

On 09/02/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by girl on fire (woman) -

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29820) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25972) - you deserved it (6546)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20457) - you deserved it (8696)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
164 comments

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

#21458908
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10616) - you deserved it (31422)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by notwhatithought (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

#21458477
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26523) - you deserved it (2455)

On 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

#21458398
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26055) - you deserved it (3856)

On 08/20/2015 at 8:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)



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