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xfireds

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xfireds

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xfireds's favorite FMLs

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

#21288568
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19223) - you deserved it (1427)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18604) - you deserved it (1966)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

#21288322
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21607) - you deserved it (1647)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:15am - misc - by ineedsleep (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30081) - you deserved it (4358)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33655) - you deserved it (6900)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32872) - you deserved it (3042)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

#21283544
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36266) - you deserved it (9520)

On 10/23/2014 at 12:04am - love - by Rachel - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39763) - you deserved it (4957)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36211) - you deserved it (2916)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (5453)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28562) - you deserved it (7375)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33776) - you deserved it (12132)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31302) - you deserved it (14389)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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