Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xfireds

Online | Search for a member

xfireds

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5485
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

xfireds's page activity

Visits<b>Noah98</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:48am<b>artsyphan</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 1:03pm<b>carOLinneeeeeee</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 3:37am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 2:18pm

xfireds's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of xfireds's badges

xfireds's favorite FMLs

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

#21463887
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18870) - you deserved it (1940)

On 09/02/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by girl on fire (woman) -

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (2022)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21264) - you deserved it (5457)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19063) - you deserved it (8213)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
163 comments

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

#21458908
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10017) - you deserved it (29765)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by notwhatithought (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

#21458477
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (2319)

On 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

#21458398
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23826) - you deserved it (3614)

On 08/20/2015 at 8:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20590) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29497) - you deserved it (3564)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

#21456098
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23098) - you deserved it (2593)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27543) - you deserved it (2402)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

#21454601
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26271) - you deserved it (5135)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (1698)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: