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xfireds

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xfireds

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xfireds's favorite FMLs

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28543) - you deserved it (3405)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24200) - you deserved it (2157)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27225) - you deserved it (12768)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (2689)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

#21303975
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26854) - you deserved it (2243)

On 11/22/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

#21303901
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (3751)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Kilkenny)

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

#21301098
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31373) - you deserved it (3982)

On 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm - work - by HereToLaughAtU (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33933) - you deserved it (3386)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

#21298962
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27483) - you deserved it (2807)

On 11/14/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by shreking_bawl (man) - Norway

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43138) - you deserved it (3812)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

#21297338
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you deserved it (2927)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm - love - by ugh - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

#21297310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34145) - you deserved it (4378)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

#21296899
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33741) - you deserved it (4365)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:56am - animals - by izzy46111 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39576) - you deserved it (3407)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29221) - you deserved it (7511)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal



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