- Town/Country : Flushing, United States
- Title : Mister
- Birth Date : Wednesday 15 June 1994 (22 years old)
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 7107
- Number of comments : 8
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted
About xcarlito615x : .
About xcarlito615x : .
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
by CantPublish / 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
by potassiumgirl / 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by mista_sandy / 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML
by Quackers / 04/11/2012 at 11:39am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 1:45pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Avery / 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
by ReallyBro / 03/21/2012 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by noneedtostress / 03/17/2012 at 11:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love
by Miss_Kristen / 02/26/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
by -_- / 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
by makeupsex / 02/14/2012 at 6:25am / Canada / Intimacy