- Town/Country : Flushing, United States
- Title : Mister
- Birth Date : Wednesday 15 June 1994 (22 years old)
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 7797
- Number of comments : 8
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted
About xcarlito615x : .
About xcarlito615x : .
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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by Karim / 12/12/2012 at 12:29am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Love
by MIND BLOWING / 10/20/2012 at 9:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2012 at 1:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
by kaitlyna15 / 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML
by booo / 07/27/2012 at 1:46pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Unlucky / 07/25/2012 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
by JadedBaker / 07/08/2012 at 2:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/04/2012 at 9:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML
by rs / 06/30/2012 at 2:36pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous