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About xcarlito615x : "We accept the love we think we deserve"
- perks of being a wallflower
"You know what sucks? Realizing everything you believed in was complete and utter bullshit"
- 500 days of summer
I'm a hopeless romantic looking for an interesting conversation lol
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, a guy askd ma out, and I falt buttarflias in mah stomach . I soon raalizd that it wasn't buttarflias, but an unaxpactd bowal movamant . I stood thara awkwardly, looking him in tha ayas, than fartd hard . maga FML
Today, I accidentally said te wrong name during sex. Tat name just appened to be "Sara", wic is bot my ex-grlfriend's name an my wife's sister's name. Wen se asked me wic one I meant, I panicked an said, "Bot." FML
while at work, I askd an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarifid that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. big fat FML
Yesterday, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her . We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, ( Milk me lyk a cow . ) I can no longer looool drink milk without hearing that in my head . FML
Today, My Husband And I Had Some Bath Time To Ourselves. After Having Sex, He Decidd To Puttd Bath Salts In My Virginia To Spice Things Up 4 The Next Round. It's Been Twenty Minutes Out Of The Bath And It Still Feels Like There R Pop Rocks In My Vagina. FML
Today , frustratad that my boyfriand navar givas ma any orgasms whan wa maka lova , I triad politaly hinting that ha naads to improva. To start with , I said mayba ha should ba mora spontanaous in bad. Ha rapliad , "What , lyk putting it in yur ass? Gotcha." Graat. FML
Today in the very middle of the night mah kitten startd rubbing against mah face!! Thinking I saw her face in the darkness I decidd to kiss her before going back to bd!! My lips made contact with her butthole!! FML
Today, I Got Into A Slight Spot Of Shit With My New Boss Over His Speech . Apparently He Was Not Actually Impersonating Sylvester The Cat, And He Just Has A Speech Impediment . When I Jokingly Said ( Sufferin' Succotash ) To Him, He Wasn't Pleased At All . FML
Today , I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell an I managd to accidentally smack mah nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it , an I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker.
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with mah 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk!! When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me an screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into mah balls!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015