Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xXToxicPenguinXx

Online | Search for a member

xXToxicPenguinXx

5Liked!

xXToxicPenguinXxxXToxicPenguinXx
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 May 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 672
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About xXToxicPenguinXx : I'm a Penguin...

xXToxicPenguinXx's page activity

Visits<b>mateapearson</b> - yesterday at 1:45am<b>wheresmymary</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 10:04am<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:45pm<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:18am<b>ztress</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 10:02pm<b>BritSkits</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 8:57pm<b>aire101</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 8:36pm<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:49pm<b>AngelOf_Darkness</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:45pm<b>greg84</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 2:51pm<b>x_the_lancer_x</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 2:04pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 12:34pm<b>Aquaman911</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 12:31pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:37am<b>watermelon1</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:24am<b>Journiexo</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:12am<b>PaigeLeeAnn11</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:59am<b>vikky538</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:23am

Liked!<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 6:45pm<b>AngelOf_Darkness</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:46pm<b>nela25</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:16pm<b>ash_1020</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 4:29am<b>Raxal</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:13am

xXToxicPenguinXx's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of xXToxicPenguinXx's badges

xXToxicPenguinXx's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30955) - you deserved it (4373)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

#21276742
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30055) - you deserved it (3116)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:17am - misc - by wtfguys - United States

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35262) - you deserved it (4190)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41808) - you deserved it (3618)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, the only reason I work 12-hour shifts and close at midnight every Saturday is because my boss doesn't like the fact that I have a boyfriend. FML

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (3789)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

#21265612
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34081) - you deserved it (3210)

On 09/26/2014 at 2:56am - love - by bri_sci94 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

#21265402
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31002) - you deserved it (2258)

On 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm - misc - by notautistic - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (533) - you deserved it (3998)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28381) - you deserved it (14003)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

#21258420
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm - work - by nocat6 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

#21257075
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33675) - you deserved it (2954)

On 09/12/2014 at 6:27pm - misc - by jjhach (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43129) - you deserved it (2710)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (2921)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: