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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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xXToxicPenguinXx's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML
by anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Drafrica / 10/13/2014 at 6:20am / South Africa / Intimacy
Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML
by wtfguys / 10/13/2014 at 4:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
by oncehipjr / 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by 1039583 / 10/03/2014 at 10:43am / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML
by mykodu / 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by bri_sci94 / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by notautistic / 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML
by skollasch / 09/25/2014 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
by nocat6 / 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by jjhach / 09/12/2014 at 6:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…