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xXGrellXx's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by mother to an ugly doll / 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML
by my back hurts / 09/04/2013 at 1:25am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
by JustAnotherFML23 / 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML
by depressed / 09/03/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by aherdofpigs / 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm / United States / Kids
by zephyrgk / 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…