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xXGrellXx's favorite FMLs
Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 7:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Ellie / 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML
by Ixiion / 10/09/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML
by mattrd / 10/08/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by mathgenius / 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML
by littlekellilee / 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals
by loserllamalick / 10/07/2013 at 10:32am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by TeddyBearKiller / 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm / United States / Kids
by UHM / 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm / United States / Love
Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML
by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health
Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML
by katt_is_here / 10/06/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…