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xXGrellXx's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
by bobosgonnagetyou / 11/01/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML
by kiwibox / 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Animals
Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML
by mn_shr / 10/25/2013 at 9:25pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Miscellaneous
Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
by cAtaLanbLoOd / 10/24/2013 at 2:06am / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Money
by TiredMum / 10/16/2013 at 9:33am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health
by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML
by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm / Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla) / Health
Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML
by Medication / 10/12/2013 at 11:31am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 2:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by easily amused / 10/12/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Kids
- Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, one of my coworkers was told to empty the clothes dryer and put in more tea towels. I know…