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Taday I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact and being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work I managd to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clappd. FML
Today , At Te Movies , Some Asswipe Kept Trowing Candy At Me. After 20 Minutes Of It , I Got Up And Went Over To Get Im To Stop. Good News: Is Balls Vanised Faster Tan A Politician's Spine Immediately After Bieng Elected. Bad News: I Got Kicked Out For ( Starting A Disturbance ). FML
today I woke up wit a raging angover . I soon cecked ma pone.. . only to find tat I'd drunkenly sent nude picture to several friends' numbers.. . as well as to ma own . I'd ten replied to ma own message.. . saying tat I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off . FML
Today, I cummed ome to find my ousemate cowering in te lounge corner, sobbing, ugging a bag of cips wile te automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into im. Apparently e "mistakenly" putted magic musroom in is sandwic instead of peanut butter. FML
Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
Taday I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, ( I already knew that babe. ) FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Friday 27 March 2015