About xShannonxSammyx : "Whether you come by book or by film, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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xShannonxSammyx's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
by charlie3289 / 10/27/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Nixontones / 10/14/2011 at 11:09am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by margelover / 10/11/2011 at 3:06pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Intimacy
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Jesus / 09/26/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by funnymanjoe / 09/14/2011 at 7:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
by omfgnooo / 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Brie / 09/05/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
- Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up… Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused,… Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and…