Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xSLEEPYxHEADx

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

xSLEEPYxHEADx

7Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 10 October 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 429
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

xSLEEPYxHEADx's page activity

Visits<b>TheTacoMan</b> - 7 hours ago<b>brndnmcmillan</b> - yesterday at 7:44am<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 5:13pm<b>eddy1965</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 9:19am<b>hellalegit</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 1:21am<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 7:16pm<b>CheshireHalli</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:34pm<b>nathansmith1211</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 11:23am<b>JustTemporary</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 3:33am<b>davotesolono</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 9:16pm<b>EvilVein</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 10:27pm<b>shine999</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 11:00am<b>scox127</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 8:40am<b>MissBubblesXoxo</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 6:40am<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 5:25am<b>A07</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 5:05am<b>gary3768</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 11:43pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 10:45pm

Liked!<b>happy2468</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 6:50am<b>CCRider</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 4:20am<b>shjoh</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 10:17pm<b>gary3768</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 5:15am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 2:25am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 3:40pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 11:04am

xSLEEPYxHEADx's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of xSLEEPYxHEADx's badges

xSLEEPYxHEADx's favorite FMLs

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

#21299619
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31622) - you deserved it (4162)

On 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by back to cock-hunting (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

#21299572
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24362) - you deserved it (3453)

On 11/15/2014 at 1:20pm - work - by ChimerV (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41605) - you deserved it (6439)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15348) - you deserved it (23872)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32730) - you deserved it (2318)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19445) - you deserved it (37553)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (12236)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (52028)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32133) - you deserved it (3551)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (3648)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

#21263926
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (2850)

On 09/23/2014 at 4:19pm - work - by disconnected (woman) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39903) - you deserved it (5621)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

#21261532
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32431) - you deserved it (7678)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:14pm - misc - by camerashyguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

#21258006
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42609) - you deserved it (8112)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:32am - love - by jgboy - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: