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xParalysis

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xParalysis

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 7 March 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 540
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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xParalysis's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:24pm<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 01/01/2010 at 2:55pm<b>allmidnighteyes</b> - the 11/28/2009 at 10:05pm<b>jc21</b> - the 11/27/2009 at 4:11am

xParalysis's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xParalysis's favorite FMLs

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

#6354900
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40605) - you deserved it (2845)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm - kids - by whatthewhat - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

#6354793
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37042) - you deserved it (2645)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Grad2010 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4869) - you deserved it (65276)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4869) - you deserved it (65276)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

#280083
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142356) - you deserved it (15967)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

#145480
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16279) - you deserved it (72663)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

#113033
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78788) - you deserved it (4863)

On 02/23/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by Megan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85870) - you deserved it (21413)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25921) - you deserved it (66914)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65049) - you deserved it (5166)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76048) - you deserved it (7075)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62615) - you deserved it (6437)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28269) - you deserved it (78153)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91916) - you deserved it (6890)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)



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