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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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xOmgHeadshot

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xOmgHeadshot
  • Town/Country : San Francisco, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 16 February 1995 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 265
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About xOmgHeadshot : Long hair don't care?

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xOmgHeadshot's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754 (259)

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (6237)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (40568)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (35124) - you deserved it (9459)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

#2209832 (393)

I agree, your life sucks (41161) - you deserved it (15449)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71622) - you deserved it (13644)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

#1925712 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (10928)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (50048) - you deserved it (4369)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks (13105) - you deserved it (30379)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:13am - animals - by alikat (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

#1127830 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (46950) - you deserved it (2159)

On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokemon and Bionicles in his room. FML

#856956 (472)

I agree, your life sucks (50978) - you deserved it (14600)

On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

#324615 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (50417) - you deserved it (12957)

On 03/14/2009 at 4:55pm - money - by california (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

#268069 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (44088) - you deserved it (6574)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (102450) - you deserved it (7349)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

#63782 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (35638) - you deserved it (5267)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by ouchmynose (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

#58147 (28)

I agree, your life sucks (23063) - you deserved it (6524)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by SADlilAZN (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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