Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xKeroseneHearts

Search for a member

xKeroseneHearts

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 300
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About xKeroseneHearts : Bands ruined my life. I love pop punk, post-hardcore, rock, and metal. Pierce the Veil, All Time Low, My Chemical Romance (R.I.P.), Suicide Silence (R.I.P. Mitch), Black Veil Brides, Sleeping With Sirens, Asking Alexandria, Motionless In White, Blood on the Dance Floor, Miss May I, Of Mice & Men, Bring Me The Horizon, Man Overboard.

xKeroseneHearts's page activity

Visits<b>cadillacgal79</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 11:07pm<b>wellfme</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 12:49am<b>lijen</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 2:51pm<b>Wrex</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 3:03pm<b>Queen_bee1234</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 12:21pm<b>cokeman666</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 7:18am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 10:15pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 3:01pm<b>gabbycat</b> - the 11/08/2013 at 3:31pm<b>lennelleong</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 7:40pm<b>patches116</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 7:02pm<b>Amelia_Jones237</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 8:07am<b>flupsht</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 6:08pm<b>insainpyro</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 10:52pm<b>Pwn17</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 2:33am<b>VikingPlayer86</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 1:26am<b>haylburg</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 11:17pm

xKeroseneHearts's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of xKeroseneHearts's badges

xKeroseneHearts's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

#20746398
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51647) - you deserved it (3897)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68864) - you deserved it (6556)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59200) - you deserved it (37002)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

#20726036
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61418) - you deserved it (6107)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by bestiality, not even once (woman) - Ireland (Waterford)

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (8533)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50088) - you deserved it (7075)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67215) - you deserved it (9916)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42910) - you deserved it (3023)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

#20624531
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19259) - you deserved it (74011)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29448) - you deserved it (43293)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49557) - you deserved it (8072)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32707) - you deserved it (111907)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34622) - you deserved it (3093)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

#20567871
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52259) - you deserved it (4833)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:24am - misc - by BornInTheWrongEra (woman) - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: