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xJAGx1505x

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xJAGx1505x

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 January 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 407
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About xJAGx1505x : Message me anytime if you want

xJAGx1505x's page activity

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xJAGx1505x's favorite FMLs

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

#20047681
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19982) - you deserved it (1264)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:12am - health - by jdch_99 - United States

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10690) - you deserved it (36785)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

#19753089
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25898) - you deserved it (8205)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18370) - you deserved it (1994)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22098) - you deserved it (2959)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19829) - you deserved it (4569)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14290) - you deserved it (25290)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19951) - you deserved it (25112)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48499) - you deserved it (7722)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (3613)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

#17934817
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46871) - you deserved it (7250)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54839) - you deserved it (5409)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35326) - you deserved it (5487)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

#16895004
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29717) - you deserved it (3758)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:35am - animals - by hadtocleanthemess (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

#15464709
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24458) - you deserved it (2410)

On 03/24/2011 at 10:54am - misc - by Renter - United States



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