About xJAGx1505x : Only on the app so so if you try to message me sorry
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54537) - you deserved it (9167)
On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46539) - you deserved it (3138) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32288) - you deserved it (2704)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (5703)
On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14944) - you deserved it (2028)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37638) - you deserved it (4966)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11759) - you deserved it (21472)
On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)
Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22057) - you deserved it (1265)
On 11/08/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by mayerstexmex69 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15263) - you deserved it (1633)
On 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm - kids - by Judy - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15129) - you deserved it (803)
On 08/29/2012 at 9:12am - health - by jdch_99 - United States
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20694) - you deserved it (7340)
Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13626) - you deserved it (1374)
On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16617) - you deserved it (2003)
On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14693) - you deserved it (3282)
On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11027) - you deserved it (17765)
On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
