xDovahkiin

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xDovahkiin

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 506
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About xDovahkiin : Straightedge. Future FBI. Kitty Forman-esque. Gamer. Nerd. Volunteer. Big heart. Open mind. Skeptical romantic. Dreamer. Into that Wicca juju. Negativity is rejected.

xDovahkiin's page activity

Visits<b>OlRed</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 10:55pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 11:23am<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 12:48am<b>rfid</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 9:39pm<b>GweedSincE84</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 5:10am<b>WhiteCrimson</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 10:48pm<b>ErwinsWife</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 1:26pm<b>GGregoire</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 3:41pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 1:47pm<b>AVGIII</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 7:56pm<b>jskains</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 5:30pm<b>AliSama</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 1:39pm<b>dfens</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 9:30am<b>swharley</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 8:14am<b>Adm_Twigs</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 8:05am<b>max9y</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 6:26pm<b>MarRic31</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 11:28am<b>T_baggins</b> - the 08/06/2013 at 1:44pm

Fucked!<b>OlRed</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 4:57am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 4:24pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 6:48am

xDovahkiin's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of xDovahkiin's badges

xDovahkiin's favorite FMLs

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm / United Kingdom (Derry) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles / 08/12/2013 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 3:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

by Sovekipisse / 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm / France (Pays de la Loire) / Love

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

by sugarysofalof / 06/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Intimacy