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About x49853 : smile, life only gets worse
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She askd himhat he wantd for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wantd to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I askd my boyfriendhat he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
Today, I was jogging in mah neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins.
Today... I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was fir the life of me... so I just played along. Finally... I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML
Taday my fiancé proposed to me at the movies!! The movie stopped in the middle, an my fiancé stand up, takes out a microphone an announce to the entre theatre that he loves me!! Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", an throw a cup of coke at my head!! FML
Today... I found a box of birtday candles sitting on te coffee table. Bored... I lit one... and after a minute I trew it away and sat back down on te couc. I started looking at te box and noticed tat it said "Magic Re-Ligting Candles" at te exact moment tat ma tras can burst into flames. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. fat FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when mah chair flipped out from under me and mah soda fell on top of me and got in mah ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
Today my house got broken into . My brand new laptop was stolen along with my flatscreen TV digital camera external hard drive an some clothes . Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben an Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer I opend the door to find that it too had been stolen . FML
TODAY, I TURNED 18. MY PARENTS GAVE ME A CARD THAT READ "NOW THAT YOU'RE 18, IT'S TIME FIR SOME BOOZY FUN... U CAN DO ALL THE THINGS U DID BEFORE BUT LEGALLY!" TAPED TO THE INSIDE WAS MY FAKE ID THAT I "LOST" THREE MONTHS AGO. FML
TODAY, I WAS SITTING NEXT TO THE GUY I LIKE AND HE WAS DOING HOMEWORK . THEN, HE LOOKS UP, HIS EYES MEETING MINE . HIS SMOOTH VOICE MUTTERS NAME AS HIS FACE INCHES CLOSER TO MINE . I CAN FEEL HIS MINTY BREATH AGAINST FACE . MY PULSE IS RACING . THEN, HE SAYS "WHAT'S A PRONOUN?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015