wtf

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wtf

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 86875
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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wtf's page activity

Visits<b>KagamineRinny</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 2:31am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:14pm<b>WordBea</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 6:31am<b>justaguynl</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 1:29pm<b>silkyred</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 8:11pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 12:49pm<b>wiifan013</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:06am<b>Pikathedoge</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 8:23pm<b>amadeclton</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 11:29am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 12:24pm<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 11:16pm<b>Solarfaze</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 2:34am<b>tayraaah</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 4:34pm<b>Blackhawk706</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 7:59pm<b>Nemo123654</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 2:51am<b>groovy579</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 6:31pm<b>WCARlover</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 5:33pm<b>cmkchris1</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 2:23pm

Fucked!<b>WordBea</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 12:31pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:49pm

wtf's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

wtf's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

by A2 / 06/28/2009 at 2:12am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

by untitledentity / 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

by Daniel_rules / 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 10:46am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

by hospitalflunky / 03/28/2009 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

by JAY22 / 03/26/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

by rusty2020 / 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

by proudestmonkey / 03/24/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy