About woolymittens : Hmm stalking my page are we? Haha, kidding. :)
Um there isn't really much to say about me to be honest, I'm a quiet person, shy, awkward... I love to draw and read books and listen to music! I'm your average teenager with a crazy family really. :P
Oh and I obviously love fml! It's so addictive. :)
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Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (3286)
On 04/16/2011 at 4:39am - love - by Username - United States
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31815) - you deserved it (7657)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38932) - you deserved it (6656)
On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30165) - you deserved it (24878)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13130) - you deserved it (29197)
On 03/09/2011 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by anonymouse - Reserved
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14071) - you deserved it (66820)
On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45140) - you deserved it (5735)
On 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by mom21 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19371) - you deserved it (9506)
On 02/08/2011 at 1:51am - health - by CatLitterLover (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15812) - you deserved it (2024)
On 02/02/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27726) - you deserved it (2678)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:07am - health - by notafatlump -
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26310) - you deserved it (2505)
On 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by curlyisnogood -
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31798) - you deserved it (6154)
On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved
Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (2008)
On 12/29/2010 at 1:50am - misc - by Shepaintsmusic -
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20036) - you deserved it (7452)
On 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm - animals - by fufu_mutt (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82654) - you deserved it (3840)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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