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wonderfulcarrot

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wonderfulcarrot

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 95
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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wonderfulcarrot's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

#17658783
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26901) - you deserved it (2042)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:18am - misc - by brownieswillneverbethesame (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

#12835808
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27092) - you deserved it (6064)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by ugly - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

#6501664
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9257) - you deserved it (26423)

On 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by nickyy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

#6296267
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27736) - you deserved it (5658)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by ZINGER (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11896) - you deserved it (44955)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I told my dad that for Halloween I'm going to be an '80s workout Barbie. He just looks at me and says, "Yeah as the 'before' picture". FML

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

#5876568
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9045) - you deserved it (48355)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:39am - work - by nick (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60653) - you deserved it (2465)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57749) - you deserved it (4811)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75751) - you deserved it (6558)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

#3561385
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51861) - you deserved it (8214)

On 07/07/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89513) - you deserved it (13997)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234011) - you deserved it (30994)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML



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