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wittyusername89

Offline (the 09/01/2014 at 2:47pm) | Search for a member

wittyusername89

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 20 May 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 84
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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wittyusername89's page activity

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wittyusername89's favorite FMLs

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36167) - you deserved it (3205)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

#21230914
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42169) - you deserved it (9145)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by beaverfever (man) - Poland (Zachodniopomorskie)

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42422) - you deserved it (3379)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40165) - you deserved it (16730)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

#21192852
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (15330)

On 06/29/2014 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

#21192500
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40503) - you deserved it (8144)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46095) - you deserved it (8311)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

#21185830
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43750) - you deserved it (5868)

On 06/23/2014 at 9:56pm - love - by criley (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49106) - you deserved it (13684)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54522) - you deserved it (5060)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43990) - you deserved it (9921)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

#21176638
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50919) - you deserved it (5804)

On 06/16/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by IneedMaury (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46174) - you deserved it (22800)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

#21148492
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (9218)

On 05/22/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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