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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 10:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML
by TaraBURGER / 09/17/2013 at 3:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML
by fired / 09/17/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Georgia) / Work
by zachadams / 09/16/2013 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2013 at 4:30pm / Transportation
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
by Jake / 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
by meganmagee / 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/16/2013 at 1:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Stheno / 09/16/2013 at 8:49am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love
by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by Oh hells no / 09/16/2013 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML
by chestycough / 09/16/2013 at 12:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by alexbrooke / 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say…
- Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…