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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
by chinaski7628 / 09/24/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (California) / Work
by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML
by DimeShapedBruise / 09/24/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by cuntsmom / 09/24/2013 at 12:47am / United States / Kids
by theynamedmeluke / 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML
by peejay6831 / 09/23/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML
by baddad / 09/23/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids
Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 10:56pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
by really? / 09/22/2013 at 10:24pm / United States / Love
Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
- Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, my bike brakes failed as I was going downhill. I ended up running a light and hit a car at… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling…