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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML
by :( / 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
by ouharguohargssdf / 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 12:25pm / Serbia / Love
by Christian / 09/28/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 7:44am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 12:08am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
by anahira6 / 09/27/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML
by sigh / 09/27/2013 at 3:01pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML
by propose_you_freakin_coward / 09/27/2013 at 8:51am / Singapore / Love
by awkwardology / 09/27/2013 at 3:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
by drinkdrankdrunk / 09/27/2013 at 3:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML
by kitkat3308 / 09/27/2013 at 2:20am / United States / Love
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…