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will0054

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will0054

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  • Number of visits : 632
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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will0054's page activity

Visits<b>kansah</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 7:11am<b>olpally</b> - the 12/21/2012 at 10:50am

will0054's FML badges

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will0054's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

#21199181
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48509) - you deserved it (4311)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:40am - kids - by umerin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

#21147101
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46583) - you deserved it (11330)

On 05/21/2014 at 7:05am - love - by Alone - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44654) - you deserved it (4724)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43292) - you deserved it (3072)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

#21008243
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36849) - you deserved it (6461) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44619) - you deserved it (5003)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

#21003362
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36730) - you deserved it (4741)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38061) - you deserved it (3838)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

#21001381
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38752) - you deserved it (9196)

On 12/22/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46248) - you deserved it (4537)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

#20999362
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36800) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/20/2013 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40910) - you deserved it (6808)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48724) - you deserved it (6719)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21358) - you deserved it (63054)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34090) - you deserved it (3802)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)



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