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will0054's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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will0054's favorite FMLs
Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML
by danielzcwu / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 3:12pm / United States / Work
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 9:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Amithatevil / 08/29/2014 at 8:35am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Kids
by AgentOrion / 08/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML
by Lika1712 / 08/26/2014 at 6:55pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 5:46pm / Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
by alanh69 / 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML
by nhyari / 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2014 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Geek
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
by oops / 08/22/2014 at 10:35am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health