About whoretool : modern teen in a f^@&ed up world. too bad its not the world thats f*@#ed up...
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
I agree, your life sucks (201379) - you deserved it (29355)
On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29426) - you deserved it (76009)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Zack (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48137) - you deserved it (9121)
On 03/10/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by fannylovesfelix (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61547) - you deserved it (2173)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (470875) - you deserved it (584730)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (470875) - you deserved it (584730)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15708) - you deserved it (35325)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48086) - you deserved it (3237)
On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51052) - you deserved it (8330)
On 03/08/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by marge1010 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12811) - you deserved it (40475)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12811) - you deserved it (40475)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6046) - you deserved it (65045)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)
Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (47965) - you deserved it (14813)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83734) - you deserved it (15599)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16822) - you deserved it (55076)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)
Monday 17 June 2013
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