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whitneylong

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whitneylong
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  • Number of visits : 20
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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whitneylong's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22480) - you deserved it (4340)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

#20106911
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (3610)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by juliette (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28524) - you deserved it (6152)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (6428)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

#20103277
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11723) - you deserved it (27901)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23933) - you deserved it (3002)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17589) - you deserved it (4575)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

#14881975
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49293) - you deserved it (6884)

On 02/07/2011 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by Anon. (woman) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

#14409774
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23479) - you deserved it (5691)

On 12/31/2010 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by legwarmer (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

#8769205
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16941) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:38am - intimacy - by virginmary - Reserved

Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML

#4056624
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37651) - you deserved it (12025)

On 07/26/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by HorrorByrd (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML



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