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whateverwillwork's favorite FMLs
by bloodymatzaball / 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm / United States / Work
by college kid / 07/31/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
by cameltoeyourface / 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML
by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Really? / 07/10/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
by toriforever / 07/05/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML
by Cat / 06/13/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
by DFR / 06/09/2010 at 9:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML
by lashless / 05/22/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML
by boring / 05/10/2010 at 6:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Money
by notmydad. / 05/08/2010 at 6:07am / Philippines (Manila) / Intimacy
Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML
by SkiMaskFukd / 05/07/2010 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…