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Offline (the 03/21/2015 at 8:25pm) | Search for a member
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with mah future sister-in-lawho is a little bigger than me . We tried on a similar dress an she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny . Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know' . big fat FML
Today... on a first date with a guy... I spilld ice cream all over mah pants. He bought me some more... and as I was thanking him... he said... "You've never had a guy treat you right... have you?" I said no and startd crying. FML
Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents fir me an the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant an shove them in there." big fat FML
Today, Mah Boss Hered A Rumor That I Was In A Relationship With A Fellow Co-worker. He Assurd Me That Inside Relationships Weren't Against Any Store Policy, So I Confirmd It. He Then Fird Mah Boyfriend Anyway. FML
2day I asked spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream , since I couldn't see wat was going on down there clearly. Next time , I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML
Today..!! my boss thraw a pra-Christmas party at work!! Ha always usas tham to rant at us and tall us to ba battar amployaas!! Whan tha spaach bagan..!! tha alarm I hava sat for my daily birth control want off!! It's tha sound of an obnoxious scraaming child!! FML
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or yur grade percent in this class?"
Today, mah boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
Friday 27 March 2015