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werpidyderp

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werpidyderp

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  • Number of visits : 314
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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werpidyderp's page activity

Visits<b>little_one</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 1:02pm<b>Patty410</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 3:30pm<b>MurphyGallagher</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 9:04am

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50 favourites

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werpidyderp's favorite FMLs

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37792) - you deserved it (20063)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52020) - you deserved it (19028)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (418) - you deserved it (18896)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

#21126578
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42564) - you deserved it (6668)

On 04/29/2014 at 8:10pm - misc - by gircos (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (4984)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42132) - you deserved it (8565)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

#21124319
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42447) - you deserved it (7321)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40446) - you deserved it (16920)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

#21123165
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35170) - you deserved it (6356)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:22am - misc - by vee2013 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
107 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

#21120108
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46168) - you deserved it (5711)

On 04/22/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by only my life (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51783) - you deserved it (14512)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53918) - you deserved it (13389)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57985) - you deserved it (8976)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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