About websphere69 : I drive OTR for a flat bed company so I get to see new places all the time and get paid while doing it.
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websphere69's favorite FMLs
Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML
by Bloody Nose / 04/16/2016 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by julieriis / 12/23/2015 at 1:03pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Transportation
Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML
by Anonyme / 12/17/2015 at 1:24am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandma was sent to the hospital so I called out of work. My bosses told me that if I didn't come in I would be fired. I did so, only to find out they needed me there so I could close the restaurant while they left early to go to a party. FML
by CLupo / 12/17/2015 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Work
by a very unlucky dude. / 06/18/2014 at 2:37am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
by Dragoness11 / 03/27/2014 at 10:12am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 2:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML
by Hesintrouble / 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by vet1 / 07/11/2013 at 11:18am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
by Angry and Confused / 06/29/2013 at 5:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began… Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought… Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes,…
- Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…