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warmvanillasugar

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warmvanillasugar
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 19 November 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 11237
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (57950) - you deserved it (5695)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (40069) - you deserved it (7488)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40708) - you deserved it (114334)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn'tcome back. FML

#662645 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (60476)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

#216994 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (44412) - you deserved it (2308)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by nuberific (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (19688) - you deserved it (34224)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

#192617 (46)

I agree, your life sucks (36241) - you deserved it (4170)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by lucy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

#187356 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (40019) - you deserved it (10634)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559 (60)

I agree, your life sucks (50049) - you deserved it (9881)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

#35636 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (28298) - you deserved it (5871)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by buster (man) - United States (Florida)



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