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warlinky

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warlinky

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  • Number of visits : 76
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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warlinky's favorite FMLs

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7385) - you deserved it (40246)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (3572)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (3640)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34820) - you deserved it (5449)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

#18216431
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27901) - you deserved it (7334)

On 11/11/2011 at 3:42am - health - by devinchi (man) - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29859) - you deserved it (15508)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

#16432194
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20837) - you deserved it (64553)

On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37112) - you deserved it (10101)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29022) - you deserved it (3023)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32000) - you deserved it (7732)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44073) - you deserved it (3287)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

#4994596
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10958) - you deserved it (45243)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

#12870
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30113) - you deserved it (3014)

On 02/07/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by biomajor (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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