waresjake

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waresjake

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 967
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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waresjake's page activity

Visits<b>weedle99</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 7:11am<b>Starzak</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 12:25am<b>Jthewat</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 2:48pm<b>Greions</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 8:23am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:11am<b>thatkidyouknow1</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 6:25am<b>ashlynnloveslou</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:54pm<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 8:53pm<b>wowdoge</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 2:30am<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 7:51am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 7:29pm<b>Kar0</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 9:12am<b>ForeverFat</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 2:19pm<b>debsamazing</b> - the 04/20/2012 at 1:48am<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 04/03/2012 at 9:23pm<b>perdix</b> - the 04/03/2012 at 9:08am<b>Mornai</b> - the 04/03/2012 at 5:07am

waresjake's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

waresjake's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

by IndianAngel96 / 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

by Optimus_Prime97 / 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm / United States / Money

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

by bucktooth / 04/26/2012 at 7:04pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

by jordyn173 / 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

by Millian2 / 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

by tessamarque / 04/05/2012 at 11:07am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

by KatieB / 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

by unfriendlyskies / 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Animals