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waresjake's favorite FMLs
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
by IndianAngel96 / 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
by Optimus_Prime97 / 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by bucktooth / 04/26/2012 at 7:04pm / United Kingdom / Health
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML
by jordyn173 / 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Millian2 / 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by tessamarque / 04/05/2012 at 11:07am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
by KatieB / 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy
Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML
by unfriendlyskies / 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Animals
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…