war3095

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war3095

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2583
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About war3095 : I'm Austin! I love to read FMLs. I'm a little odd at first but other than that I'm okay. I love to listen to music, every genre. Snapchat: war3095 Kik:WAR3095

war3095's page activity

Visits<b>the_eggplant_</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 10:46pm<b>LeoP13</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 9:22am<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 8:35pm<b>notsick</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 8:53pm<b>Tika876</b> - the 10/25/2013 at 11:25pm<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 7:53pm<b>noxiffic</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 6:18pm<b>virgilcole505</b> - the 10/10/2013 at 1:26am<b>cellycrunk</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 10:40pm<b>efelsh</b> - the 05/01/2013 at 7:37pm<b>Stefanie88</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 5:58pm<b>shaar</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 5:26am

war3095's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of war3095's badges

war3095's favorite FMLs

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

by mystery / 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

by eat my fucking ass, boss / 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2013 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Intimacy

Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML

by Amy / 12/05/2013 at 12:25am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

by anon / 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

by rock'n roller / 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm / Love

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.