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Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2345) - you deserved it (491)
On 02/13/2012 at 4:23pm - kids - by Katherine - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19342) - you deserved it (2521)
On 01/26/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by RequilaRainbow - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18321) - you deserved it (2171) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4746) - you deserved it (8054)
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3796) - you deserved it (11443)
On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8686) - you deserved it (3806)
On 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm - work - by Sammylad - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35903) - you deserved it (3775)
On 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11233) - you deserved it (35352)
On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4812) - you deserved it (5855)
On 08/26/2011 at 7:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16762) - you deserved it (4863)
On 07/05/2011 at 1:34am - work - by worksucker - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10410) - you deserved it (25906)
On 02/05/2011 at 5:54pm - misc - by Zeco - United States
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34247) - you deserved it (6127)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States
Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45523) - you deserved it (4969)
On 01/27/2011 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by JordanVilleneuve (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8590) - you deserved it (29077)
On 01/27/2011 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23351) - you deserved it (6895)
On 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Limalia (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)
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