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  • Number of visits : 82
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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vulgo's FML badges


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Up and coming moderator

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

vulgo's favorite FMLs

Today, I received the "employee of the month" title from the job I was fired from last week. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2012 at 10:02pm / United States / Work

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

by Carrie G. / 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

by Misky / 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

by WaffleMan / 06/08/2012 at 7:58am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

by Jason199615 / 04/17/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2011 at 6:41am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

by MessedXUp / 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

by MJ3105 / 05/07/2009 at 7:36am / Israel / Animals

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

by Nikki / 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

by wideman / 02/28/2009 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

by Evil_Egbert / 02/12/2009 at 6:54am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

by mainche / 01/20/2009 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous